"Bridezilla" and the Gaslighting of Brides
In a previous post, I had mentioned my issue with the term "bridezilla". I felt the need to expand on this.
Bridezilla/Groomzilla (definition)- a bride or groom who's behavior during wedding planning resembles Godzilla, razing entire cities to the ground.
Bride/Groomzillas are easy to spot before their behavior gets to that point in the wedding process. In my experience, they're either folks that don't handle stress well, they're already an unpleasant person in the first place (thankfully, I've never had a client like that!), or they're a manipulative (or abusive) person that has figured out that they can using the wedding as a bargaining chip to hurt people.
Actual Bride/Groomzillas are extraordinarily rare, despite what television says.
I know it's hard to believe, but it's true!
Almost every single bride (either client or in my personal life) has asked me the question, "am I being a bridezilla?" Groomzilla tends to be tossed around as a bit of a joke, but Bridezilla? It's used at almost every turn for femme-presenting people.
What I've been finding that family and friends of brides are using this to escape obligations that come with being in a bridal party. That isn't to say that a couple should expect friends and family to help them build the Eiffel Tower.
However, brides without planners are trying to marshal dozens of moving parts on a schedule. For someone who's never been in a management position, organizing schedules and meeting deadlines can be difficult, especially because they're trying to get people in their limited personal time and they're not paying people (at least, I hope not).
The secret is always ice cream.
It's understandable that this would get anyone stressed. It's also understandable to reach out to friends and family for help during this time. To be turned down when you're on a deadline can be upsetting. Calling someone a bridezilla because of this reaction is mean. It's also a way that people have found to make the bride feel like it's their fault.
So, who's right?
No one is.
Brides and grooms: people are going to be there for you because they love you. If they're dropping out of DIY projects, reconsider the scope of your projects.
It's not that dramatic, but the GIF caught my eye. You're welcome.
Friends and family: rethink your methods of rejection. Calling someone a bride/groomzilla is often hyperbolic and will hurt your friend. Explain why you feel overwhelmed, or sit down with them if their behavior is offensive or hurtful.
As with all relationships, communication is key. The effort to understand another person's point of view will not only typically yield more positive results, but will also help you in the long run. Stress can make us forget our best natures, and it's important to understand both your, and your friends', limits on what everyone can handle.
Love (and wine) is all you need in wedding planning.
Photo by Cinderella Photography.